And the winners are...not me :(

Oh right, forgot to say how my beers did in the competition last week.

Sadly, none of the three beers that I entered placed. I'm not all that surprised, but definitely disappointed, as any unrewarded effort is disappointing. Of course the reward is in the experience, the participation, the communion with the excellent people in this community--the pizza!--and receiving such valuable feedback. But still... I wanted me some GOLD goddammit! Well. Maybe next year.

Anyway, here's what I entered.

The beer, not sweet old Mrs. Sato

• Category 6D: American Wheat or Rye Ale

This was an American hefeweizen, which is roughly the same one I entered last year, but with a couple of (unfortunate) changes: White labs Kolsch yeast instead of Wyeast--big mistake! Totally different character in this beer, with much less bready yeasty notes; 83g of fresh orange zest (the orange part of the peel) rather than 45g of dried orange peel, the result being a stronger than desired orangey quality. I'm still enjoying it (right now actually!), but I can see why it didn't place. I mean, a lot of beer people refuse to acknowledge it as a style anyway. I should have entered it in 23A--the 'whatever doesn't fit' category.

Bow down, ye mortals, to the overly hoppy ESB

• Category 8C: Extra Special Bitter

I happened to be sitting at the table next to the table that was judging these, and got to overhear their comments. Very interesting. After brewing my way-off clone of Rogue's Brutal Bitter, I looked at the BJCP style guidelines and said to myself, hey, this beer is not really what you think of an ESB being, but goll-darnit, it fits the guidelines! I'ma enter it! Tradition be damned! Then I stretched my arms to the heavens and bellowed, Khaaaaaan!!! or something like that. Well, the judges at the next table were having conniption fits over the issue, because it did indeed fit the style guide on most points, and they really wanted to mark it down on something, because it was obviously lacking in something ESB-ish, and they knew it, but they couldn't figure out how to ding it. In the end, IT JUST WASN'T TO STYLE, and unfortunately for me, there's a provision for that on the score sheet, under 'Overall impression' I believe. So they dinged me mercilessly on that one point. I think mostly because of my use of citrussy American hops, Crystal (even though 'any variety is acceptable' according to BJCP. Jerks.) And they gave the gold to somebody else. To their credit as judges, which I already credit them highly as one of them is a fairly well-acclaimed professional brewer, they also bitched about this hoppiness being out of balance with the malt, which should be...as they say...Foooorward. Also it was way overcarbonated. I was in too much of a rush to properly calculate how much priming sugar to use, and used those effin' priming drops instead. DOH! So yeah, my bad on a number of points. I did hear them lauding its worthiness as an American Pale Ale though. But dammit, that's not what I set out to make. Oh well, live and learn. That's what you get for trying to buck the system. And also for making a British beer that Brits won't like.

Draw yer weapon

• Category 22B: Other smoked (American Brown Ale)

This is also a reboot of a previous beer, dubbed 'Brownsmoke', originally intended to be a clone, then just an homage, then just MY mutha-fukkin' beer y'all! The judges didn't think it was as bad-ass as I did though unfortunately. Though having gotten to taste the other beers in the category, all I could say was damn--I was up against some 'Grade A' smoke. On analysis though, I have to say that I did up the gravity and the smokiness too much (40% on the smoked malts), to the point that it became a bit overpowering, a bit like drinking a concentrate of some sort. Didn't help that this thing goes down better in the icy heart of bitter winter than in the furnace-like heat of sweltering July. Whatev. It has mellowed and integrated considerably in the keg though, and I enjoy finishing off a night of imbibing lighter fare with a cheeky pint of this curmudgeonly old codger out on the porch, shot-gun across his knee.

So that's the run down. Next year I know I have to cut absolutely NO corners, and be a total nazi if I want to bring home any bling. The competition has gotten tough, and the quality of the judging has risen in kind. I've got some work to do.

But I'll get back to it after Alaska. More on that.