One more for the season

Yes, Santa. Be afraid. Be very, very afraid

But before getting on to serious brewing talk, we mustn't forget to discuss this little jewel of the beer world beverage industry, Sapporo's 'Chocolat Brewery'. The lofty elegance of the name is inspiring, a boldly bastardized amalgam of fake French and nonsensical English that titillates the senses as it transports the beholder into the throes of perplexity. Quite an experience indeed, and before the can is even opened. That's right: the *can*.

This appears to be a joint venture between Sapporo and Royce' (yes, the random apostrophe is intentional, just click the pic to zoom in on it), the candy manufacturer, which is also located in Sapporo. Helpfully, there is some English printed right on the label!

"Chocolat Brewery is made from roasted malt and cacao, having the characteristic of mellow sweetness."

This frankly seems like a lot of extra wordage, since they summed it up beautifully and succinctly just above that, on the red ribbon that says, "SWEET".

The color is a lovely dark brown, very clear, with a brown head that dissipates very quickly, I imagine because it would rather be anywhere else than sitting on top of this god-awful syrup. The nose is like the cheapest rum you can imagine, rum extract maybe, or a warm pina colada that's sat out on the picnic table all day at the weenie roast. Something wretched like that anyway. It's fairly wretchedly sweet and rummy.

Flavor-wise it's more like rum and coke, flat rum and coke, with some root beer in it. But it's more complex than that, as there is a resiny finish that clings to the back of the tongue and throat. If you can imagine giving yourself a spritz of furniture polish, it's probably pretty close to that.

So folks, not a very nice experience, I'm afraid. Not sure whom this is supposed to appeal to, or why they did it. There is an established sub-style of chocolate stouts, but most of those use dark roasted barley rather than real chocolate to get an unsweetened chocolate flavor characteristic. Some use unsweetened chocolate, and a few use sweetened, but make sure to beef up the body to match the sweetness, lay the hops back, and for godsakes don't give it that much carbonation. But this is a macro, so we shouldn't be all that surprised. Disgusted, yes. But not surprised. Now to get this acrid film out of my throat...